Izaya Orihara Academy (the IOA of doom)
by CrackonKappacumbers
Summary: au world where Izaya is the legendary superhero black rose and knows kung fu and fights off evils in the streets, after becoming missing, Mikado and Kida go in for a big adventure as both of them meet and become apprentices of BR against their will. And most importantly Izaya's crazy and has a robot named Shinra who meets with Delic when he tags along the boys. r&r is luv-kappalord


**what the flippit, izaya's english dub at the end of ep4, why you no "vacation's over you miserable bastards"**

**but you say "i'll say to them, vacation's over you piece of shit" don't worry i still love (coughhate) you izaya **

**and english dub you are beautiful too c:**

**mini veggie story:**

once there lived a man named potatoman, he was a ghost. the end. c:

Jokes, not really, that man haunted ikebukuro and scared the crap outta Mikado and them first before he disappeared forever.

**Izaya Orihara, the super badass hero of flowers c:**

**_Once of upon a time, there was a man, this man's name was Izaya Orihara and he is a flower of grace and justice._**

**_He is Black Rose. (this story will be in the presequel later for Izaya's part to the story c:)_**

**The story of Mikado at university with glasses (canon because of novel mikado with glasses c:)**

With Mikado Ryugamine, anything could happen.

And here we are with Mikado, in a chair, wearing his Raira Academy university uniform

What we're here for now is that he's currently in the head master's office with a problemed face as the head master tried to use this moment of silent between them to attack with a stamp before Mikado would be able to react and stamping it to say that he has to leave the university now since he has completed what he has.

But of course, Mikado was way faster and put his hand in the way of the stamping.

"Can I continue my studies now batman?" Mikado broke the silent as he was wondering the answer.

"Actually Mikado you do know that you've finished... all the psychology courses in the shortest period of time." Kadota continued on.

"But I don't think I'm qualified Kadota-san."

"You're qualified and you got the high grades for everything. Please go away now. Mr.."

"Just call me Mikado, please.. and you can change the high grade to the lowest grade pretty please?" Mikado bargained.

"According to my experience Mikado, you suffer from 'Acuired Early Psychosis of the Gifed'." Kadota analysised on Mikado. "Here use this to draw the animal presenting you in this sheet." He gave Mikado a piece of paper.

And so, Mikado began sribbling on the paper and handed it back to Kadota to see.

"You.. think you're a pile of shit..? I knew you were weird but this is-" Kadota judged hard.

"It is a snail, you blind man. Get better reading glasses like mine, it's most definitely a snail." Mikado pointed out really smugly.

"Sure.. actually it looks like a snail." Kadota said in agreement at his odd drawing.

"Are you judging my drawing skills Kadota-san.." Mikado was never replied to.

"Anyways according to Celty, the Early Psychosis is caused by a huge stimulus in the early stage when you were younger. The stimulus leads to Hypothalamus. Symptoms include the so called Mikado Ryugamine..."

Mikado went into bury fury mode and hit Kadota in several different ways until he fell unconscious among his stacks of papers that were now everywhere. After two spin attacks later, there was silence in the room after Mikado battle cried as he killed Kadota on to the floor.

"Don't call me by my full name. I told you!" Mikado held his fist in the air and clunched his fingers into his palm as he tried to calm down. "Oh, Jesus I killed him."

He returned back to normal and adjusted his glasses to see the sight as he quickly escaped the office after stamping his course form as completed. He felt bad for what he did to Kadota and admitted he was done for the year.

**Kida's backstory is here as he is dreamingggg as an alien woooooo -alien noises-**

_"I miss home." the alien monkey shaped Kida sighed._

_"Be a good girl thing. If we found a good planet for us, we'll pick you up at once. Sayorona Masa-chan." And then his parents threw him into the planet Earth and into their atmosphere. Kida screamed as he fell from his spaceship._

And then everything went black as Masaomi wakes up in a panic rush hugging the closest thing that was there.

"Mum, don't leave me alone, Mum..." Kida pleat.

"Kida, I'm not your mum. And you aren't a mum either." Shiro or Shiro-icchi, the female that Kida nicknamed, explained blankly without a blink of an eye as she pushes Kida off of her when he was hugging her as thought if he let go everything would be gone.

"You're come here for a month. We're done the body check five times. You're male, nothing more or less. Definitely, you aren't pregnant and not a female." Shiro clearly stated facts.

"That shouldn't be the case. Do it again." Kida was an alien, so it was normal on his planet about this matter.

"God dammit it Kida, this refuge is for single mums only. You aren't qualified. You're not even a woman for crying out loud. Please go.."

"But I'm an alien. In our planet, I'm a single mum. Women are mums and men are dads."

"It's the same on Earth, but again you're male."

"Then I'm qualified, right?" Kida continued to prove his statement that he was a female.

"Ah, no, no you're not. And if so, then all the women on Earth would be.."

"Ah, it's painful! My stomach in pain!" A pregnant lady shouted out loud as the pain in her stomach was too much to handle.

"Relax, relax. Stay calm. I'll call the ambulance." Shiro went to her side immediately.

"No, no need! I'm an alien and I got the superpowers for this problem. I'll just use it and you'll be alright." Kida announced.

"No kidding."

"You don't believe do you? Fine, don't blink and see the amazing Kida handle this." Kida's confidence level went up very high.

"It'll be alright.. alright...no pain.. no pain..alright..Alright..alright.." Kida did some freaky weird dance moves as he chanted those words.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?" Shiro continued on focusing on the woman in front of her.

"I can't figure out why.. But I'm not in pain anymore." What a shocker.

"Seeee? I'm an alien, with the coolest powers to this world Ahahhahaa." Kida laughed weirdly.

"Maybe, I don't know why, but this refuge isn't for supernatural aliens... This refuge is for those common single mums only. Sorry, not sorry. Leave." Shiro basically kicked him out the door on the way out.

**Skip to Kida trying to find a new place to live since he was kicked out for not being a pregant lady or a lady at not**

"Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen, exclusive of electricity and water yo. Best deal ever." Oh god, we all know who this is. And there he was the great orange hair of Hiroshi the poser dollars gang member.

"What? The hell man, Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen, this shit ain't worth no cash! Look, check it bro, water leaks in the ceiling. Gotta fix it. The wire's damn loose. Gotta fix it again."

"There's no air-con, no lift, no club house... no girls. You think I'm still a teenager with depressing hormones?"

"I got you a gym, bitch."

"What the hell man. This wreck is a gym? I got to spend thousands of money to clear it away. Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen, my ass."

"No bargain man. Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen yo!"

"Man, you're one greedy asshat, Hiroshippo!" Kida sure has some weird nicknames sometimes.

-Door dies- And in comes Mikado shocked at his door dying like that.

"Look, the door's f'ing broken. You got to make some concessions yo." Kida pointed out s good point there Hiroshi, fix the door.

"Mums!" Mikado went to hug Kida in thought that he was his mother.

"Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa, you're cute, but are you crazy, ma'am?" Kida scooched away from Mikado.

"Crazy..what?" Mikado went up to Hiroshi who was sitting on a chair. "Excuse me, who are you sir? Why are you here in my house? And where did you hide my mum?" The first thing you ask is why are you hiding my mum, Mikado really.

"Yo momma ran off with her man half a year ago yo. If you wanna rent this flat, pay Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen yo diggity dog."

"What are you saying? I'm have no idea what you're saying." Mikado was sad he didn't understand.

"Ok, ok, he said your mum ditch you and this place with her lover half a year ago. Sorry, but you're wasting my time here." Kida explained.

"You should fix it right? Look, the washbadin came off! Is this suppose to be a portable washbasin?"

"AH, my poor washbasin's broken. Give it back to me..I've used it since I was born. Why is it like this?" Mikado sobbed a little and clutched onto his poor washbasin in his arms as it was his percious baby.

"What happened.. It came off. Where's my bed?" Mikado's eyes widen as he saw that indeed in his room was nothing there, blank and his bed was poof, gone.

"This place is a risky building, nobody lives here and no one wants it." Kida considered the things.

"Where's my bed? I've used it after I was born." Mikado sobbed quiet in his fit.

"If I don't rent this flat, nobody will. Got it dude?"

"I'll rent it, I'll rent it.. how much?" Mikado hurried back to the other two.

"Like I said like for forever pay me Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen damn gaki, you dig?"

"Ah for the love of god.. he said a big ass number, 80669 yen for this flat. I've bargain many times, but he doesn't make any concessions"

"Eighty thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine yen? I don't think so, I can rent service apartments much better with that price!" Mikado smartly responsed. Hiroshi and Kida just looked at him funny.

"Ma'am, what's wrong with you?" Kida asked directly.

"Excuse me, I'm speaking Korean, and I'm a man, thank you." Mikado clearly stated as to prove his point by adjusting his glasses up in a smart boy way.

"You're a weird gangster man thing but get out of my house."

"Less than eighty thousand and fix up the rent. We're from the same homeland. I sublet this flat to him."

"No bargain yo!" Kida and Mikado stared at him with determination and in the end curse it and went out of the beat up apartment.

"Bitches, kicking up a fuse about this flat. Kick the bucket why don't you yo?" Hiroshi finishes his scene off with a cool speech. yeah no.

**Time skip to new friendship with MikaKida garden of broship.**

"Can I ask, why are we walking so fast? Tell me." Kida asked Mikado as they were running on the sideways.

"No, it's 'cos you're fast and I'm just keeping the pace with you." Mikado replied. "Let's get back to normal speed."

"Whatever you like, princess." Kida commented as they both got back to normal walking speed. "Frankly speaking..even though, we've just known each other for half an hour, but I think we get along really well together."

"Me too. I feel we're in the garden of friendship." Mikado made a cool quote.

"Garden of friendship? Good metaphor, I like it. Such a well-educated babe~." Kida gave a toothy grin.

"Wait, I'm pretty sure, I'm a guy and from the looks of it so are you.." Mikado countered back in question with his logic.

"What, whatever man, even though you got no tits, in a way we're all female inside, and that ain't stopping me in hitting on some cougars, right?"

"You're not meaning much sense.."

"My logic is a beautiful thing, you just don't get me" Kida did a fake sighed

"Right, right and so does the rest of the world it seems."

"Well, I'm Kida Masaomi, what's your name?" He introducted himself with a prince charming bow.

"Call me Mikado."

"So, how about your surname?" Kida asked.

"Don't ever say my surname, just forget about it."

"Why, What if I do call you your full name?"

"..Generous remuneration.." Mikado walked a piece of paper that he was reading off of.

"Really?" Kida tilts his head to the side.

"Generous remuneration.."

"What's the matter? and fringe benefits?" Kida continued reading from the sheet.

"Want an apprentice. Young, beauty.."

"With aspiration and elegance."

"An extraordinary single lady preferred."

"Ah that's me!" Kida announces.

"What, no way it's me!" Mikado defends himself good enough for the position, as long it gets him a home to stay and benefits, he was there all the way, let's all crossdress.

"Hey, whoa, I thought you didn't believe in my everyone's a woman logic!"

"That doesn't matter now, now pass the paper." Mikado pulled one way and Kida did the same to the other.

It ripped. in half.

"Ah.."

"Ripped." And so they went to catch a taxi to get to the address to see their luck for the job.

**Time skip to epic taxi man Delic and his sugoi taxi that Mikado and Kida will kill it's glass c:**

**In the taxi in the backseats as it moves on the road.**

"Hey there, so where do you wanna go?" Delic waved hi from the front mirror.

"You say it first." They of them still seem to be cold to one another.

"You first."

'Just say it together-" And they did.

"Shut up!" In unison barked to Delic.

"Now, now ladies, I just ask you to say it together, not to chew me out together." Delic pouted. "Well.. whatever, you can take some time to think shit carefully. But don't blame me for a long ride."

"Then we'll say it together." Mikado concluded.

"No problem." Kida replies.

"So where?" They both whispered into his ears the address.

"Don't say it!" Kida explained with nothing.

"Ok then, I'm not saying it that you two wanna go to-" He was cut off.

"Still talking about it? You want me to jab your eyes?" Kida threaten.

"Damn, luckily I dodged in time, man you're a tsundere." Delic commented.

"Dodge in time? I think not, watch out and check your eyes on the road." Mikado outsmarted him and hit him.

"Damn, you're gals but you act like tomboys, you remind me of Chibiya. You must have links with Ms. Yagiri, were you two from the same gang and committed a crime last night?" Delic showed them a newspaper with the gang activity news.

"You two really look like you took part in the crime." Glares from the both of them could be felt by Delic. "Just kidding."

Silence and then,"Oh I know.. you both date the same man! You lasses and have very little experience in love." And apparently Delic also treats them as if they were female. Of course Mikado never understood why though.

"But a boyfriend isn't worth a broship. But maybe you can share a relationship with me and I can help you find a way out." Delic continued on.

"I need to fight for the boyfriend with you? Are you blind man?" Kida 'ha'ed at Delic's weak attempt to cheer them up.

"Ha, I knew you would beat me. Least I tried."

"You stll dodge? Look out for the road idiot." Mikado countered hitting Delic at the back of his head.

"You two are too much. I'd better sit farther in." Delic swatted further up.

"Wait. I got it you're both homo for each other. I'm game for that kind of stuff. Homosexuals are hot. Like your's truly here." Delic can be too much sometimes.

"God, you're troublesome trying to flirt with us fair maidens like that." Kida complained.

"Masaomi, I'm still pretty sure we're not maidens.." Mikado's words were never heard.

"No time to hear you Mikado, gotta punish this bastard." Kida tried to hit Delic again.

"Ha, can't touch me this time, nice try."

"Oh can't I?" Mikado hit him for him. And so, Delic hit his taxi window and it grew a large crack, Delic ow'ed.

"Shit, I nearly crashed my taxi! Oh hell no.." Delic trailed off looking at the damage as Mikado and Masaomi quietly laughed in "opps" in the back seats.

**Time skip to the garden house mansion thing of Izaya Orihara the black rosee weee c:**

As Delic stopped up on the hilltop, the two passagers went to quickly escape to be stopped by Delic when he got out of the taxi.

"Wait a second, you two haven't paid yet. Forget about the broken glass. 4840 yen." Delic went on asking for his money in return of his services.

The boys began to scrabble to find money. "Umm, you pay it first, and I'll give you back the money later.." Kida went to count how money he had with him

"I just want to ask you to pay first too." Mikado replied searching through his manbag.

"You both don't have enough money do you?"

"Apparently. We don't have enough money, so what?" Masaomi there is a what for not having enough and after the trip too.

"And yet you can stil speak it so loudly about it?"

"I don't have enough money either.." Mikado said quietly, Delic sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"Fine, here. Take it. I'll give you credit first," Delic pulled out two cards for both of them. "and it was difficult to take the taxi here. Just call me when you go." He did a "call me" pose with a wink.

"Heh, you're a good guy, what's your name?" Masaomi asked with a smile.

"Delic Heiwajima, but you can call me Delic." He talked so smoothly he was shining. It blinded Mikado.

"Why don't we just call you Delili? It sounds cuter." Masaomi gave Delic a deal.

"What's wrong with it? C'mon it's Delic Heiwajima or just Delic, whatever later babes." And off he went.

"Thanks a lot Delili-chi!" Masaomi smiles at him and waves farewell.

And then there, their adventure begins.

**TBC c:**

**yayyyy fighting magical girl kung fu actions**

**and crazy ass izaya coming your way**

**in the next chapter**

**short summary of the story:**

**Along the way, Mikado and Masaomi are two young males looking for an apartment. Kida's an alien who thinks everyone's a female and Mikado's diseased with this trigger reaction whenever someone says his full name.**

**In the end when they failed to find somewhere to rent, they find a mysterious house whose owner is none other than the legendary gone missing hero(ine) Black Rose, Izaya Orihara. **

**But he's gone batshits now and is crazy in his own adorkable way of expressing it.**

**Black Rose, aka Izaya Orihara decides to train the boys even thought they had no insterest at the least to stay with this crazy person c: poor things.**

**When the boys try to escape, they learn that Poison Ivy aka Namie Yagiri, a former protege of Black Rose's, has been casuing trouble with her gang in the area.**

**With no other option, the boys, along with super cool (totally not) taxi driver Delic Heiwajima (who Izaya usually thinks is his ex-lover, Shiki or Sidekick, Robin who was apparently a doppelganger of Delic named Shizuo which also went missing.)**

**To train and to make Mikado and Masaomi become the new Black Roses to fight for justice.**

**Like a magic girl thing but with kung-fu and super coolness.**

**happy earth week for you must be green to keep the world clean for kappas everywhere c:**


End file.
